In June 2020, when the entire world was locked into their homes, I struggled with (amongst many things!) a Data Privacy Project I was leading.
In the middle of the global pandemic, the whole world was reeling under an unpredictable virus and forced to work in radical circumstances (work from home!), I was trying to get the COO (Chief Operating Officer) of every country my employer was based in to enact data privacy controls voluntarily.
This was to ensure we kept the bank safe from regulators and that our customers’ data were protected by implementing consistent data privacy guidelines.
But, when things are on fire, no one voluntarily consents to add more friction to their everyday work. My colleague, based in London, and I had to pilot the “friction” project in Asia regions, so we chose China to start with (yes, at the peak of lockdowns during the COVID-19 pandemic).
Understandably, our project faced a mountain of resistance from our China colleagues. My emails were going unanswered, and when they were answered, I would receive requests for the same information in different formats.
At one point, when my colleague was concerned that we were not moving ahead, the China colleagues escalated to their senior leaders that we were not engaging them and giving them the clarity to move forward on the proposal.
My colleague and I were puzzled. We were arranging calls, to which no one was turning up. We had sent the information in various formats, which were going “unconsumed”. We received no engagement from our colleagues, so we were stumped about how to proceed.
I wondered whether China thought London dictated how they should do things without understanding how things operated locally. This is a perennial problem when Western approaches do not fit the Eastern culture, and project approaches tend not to make room for cultural differences.
The next time, I arranged a call, and a few people turned up, we decided to change our approach. I opened the call by saying, “We are not trying to dictate how things must be done. We are trying to support you.”
Our colleagues in China did not believe us, and things returned to square one. Then, after weeks of backchanneling, I got a call arranged. I had spent the week trying to see how I could approach this call.
Over that weekend, I had the opportunity to engage in “Empathy Practice” facilitated using the Non-Violent Communication Method. This approach involves understanding and acknowledging feelings and needs.
I was reluctant to use a “touchy-feely” approach with COOs in a Global Bank. But I was at the end of my rope and decided to experiment with empathy. Just before the call, I reflected on what it would mean to be in their shoes. I couldn’t do it – I mean, being in the shoes of the COO of the largest countries of a global bank!
I changed tack and thought about my life when I was feeling powerless when I thought I was being forced to do something by someone. I had numerous examples of that. I picked one and noticed my feelings when I recalled that experience.
I opened the call by saying, “I know the whole proposal must have been ambiguous, and you need clarity on a few things before you can decide. The process must have been frustrating to you. We ask you to make changes to your operations when all of your operations have changed because of the pandemic. This is inconvenient, and you wish we had come to you at a better time. I wish I could do that and not create more chaos in an already chaotic situation. ”
I connected to their feelings, needs and thoughts for the next 2 minutes, and I noticed the reaction of one particular person from China who had his camera on. I could see his body language shift as I acknowledged their situation. I paused and then opened the floor so that they could ask us questions and we could provide clarity by answering them.
They fielded us with questions, and my colleague and I were able to answer them. In the last 10 minutes of a 30-minute meeting, I asked them, “What would help you support this proposal comfortably?”
They had further clarifying questions, and at the 25-minute mark, we had a unanimous agreement from the China colleagues to implement the data privacy controls.
I was uncertain about using empathy in a business context, especially with COOs in the meeting, because I thought it would not be professional. I went with my instinct, took a risk, and opened it up with empathy from start to finish. We closed in 25 minutes and went from complete stonewalling to unanimous support in record time.
In a business context, empathy is no longer nice to have. If we want cooperation and change from others, it is best to lead with empathy. Empathy is simple but not easy 😄
Empathy is the key ingredient when having a tough conversation with the other person.
P.S. If you are ready to level up, work with me for 1:1 career coaching. Hit reply, and I’d love to share more.
💌 Siri
